豬肉攤上的教育家(My mother， My techer)
放眼美國(Eye on America)
Time of Questions
Even though I have been here (i.e. Los Angeles) more than half a year, I continue to ask myself why I came. During the past few months, I have given up almost all personal pleasure to bury myself in an endless stream of academic work. In addition to this, I have also had to endure loneliness． What for? Just because I had the honor of receiving a scholarship? For a better future? Or just to go on an adventure? I'm still searching for the answer.
As a newlywed, I left my husband, family, and a good job to come to a totally unfamiliar environment. I feel like E. T. when he came to the earth. I was lost in this country, had no confidence, and very few friends.
Yes, my study in the U. S. has been full of confusion and trials. Although my English is not poor, I am more familiar with standard pronunciation and formal usage and the frequent use of slang and abbreviations confuse me totally. I feel like a fool
whenever people have to say " Pardon me? " again and again, or when I misunderstand someone's simple statement. Additionally, I am frustrated that I cannot express myself the way I was able to in Taiwan. (I am an amateur writer and an eloquent speaker in Chinese. )
In the first few months after my arrival, I did not dare go out by myself because I often got los. People repeatedly told me, “This is a very dangerous city． Don't stay out late．” Due to the language barrier and the unfamiliar environment， I felt insecure， homesick， and miserable．
The First Contact
For the first time in my life I received a ticket from a policeman． One afternoon during my first week here， I followed other pedestrians who were crossing the street despite the “Don't Walk” signal light． Unexpectedly， a policeman stopped me and asked， “Can you read English?” I replied， “Yes．” “Don't you see that signal?” he asked． “But I just followed the others，” I tried to explain． “That's no excuse． Give me your I． D．，” he demanded． “I just arrived here． I left my passport at a
friend's house，” I said． At that moment， I was too nervous and scared to recall anything． Finally， I remembered something． I told him I was going to study at UCLA next month． “Hmmmm， a
very good university，” he said ． Then he asked me what my name was and what department I was going to study in and told me， “You'll receive a ticket very soon， bye．” “But…” I murmured．
On another weekend， I visited my host family． That night I was very confused by the faucet in the bath tub． No matter how hard I tried to get warm water， only cold water came out． Since I was already in the tub， it was too late for me to ask for help．
This had never happened to me before． I could not do anything except take a cold shower． The next day I had a stuffy nose and asked the hostess for help． She showed me how to do it and I laughed． All this proved to me what I had a great deal to learn in order to adapt to new circumstances．
On day my landlady tried to make fun of me by jumping out of her room suddenly and saying “Boo!” to me． But my calmness surprised her， so she tried it again． I was confused， “What do you mean by this?” Finally， she realized I did not know this expression
and explained it to me． I burst into laughter and told her that in Chinese we used “hwa” instead of “boo．” We both laughed and from that moment it became a personal joke between us． I have learned that there is a great gap not only in language but also in
culture between Americans and Chinese． It is not learned information， it is not even information， it is justexistence， as another foreign student has said． Yes， there are a lot of things to learn!
The library is one of my favorite places on campus． However， I also had an experience in the library which proved my innocence． One afternoon， after checking out some books and as I walked through the exit， the bell rang． I was stunned by the noise． In a few seconds the librarian approached me， took the books from me and left me embarrassed in front of everyone． I remember wishing there was a hole in the ground I could jump into! After examining the books， the man returned them to me， saying the detector had malfunctioned． I felt humiliated． After picking up my books， I ran away with tears in my eyes．
Unlike Americans， people in my country are used to buying goods with cash． Until I came to America I had never used a check． I recall the first time my friend took me to a bank to open an account． After I filled out the application forms and showed the
teller my passport， I was told that I could not open an account without a social security number． “What? A social security number? But I am not a citizen， why do I need that?” I
exclaimed． “I am sorry． It is our policy，” she replied． What a strange place! Just to deposit my own money in a savings account， I needed a social security number as proof of identification．
Eye on America
When I was in Taiwan people always talked about how prosperous and advanced America was． In the Chinese language， the term used for “America” means “a beautiful country．” Yes， it is a modern and beautiful place． However， after having been here for a while， I discovered that， like any other country on this earth， America is not a paradise after all． I found truth in a Chinese proverb describing America as “a fairyland for children， a battlefield for adults， and a graveyard for the
old．
”
A Fairyland for Children
Several years ago when I saw the movie “E．T．，” I was surprised to see that little outerspace creature hidden among piles of toys in an American boy's room． But then I decided that it was just a movie． It was not until I visited a friend here that I decided
that it was not just a movie——it was a depiction of a typical American child's room． When I played with my friend's children we were surrounded by dinosaurs， transformers， remote control cars， and so on． Playing with them reminded me of my childhood， but I had never had so many toys． I wished I were a child again．
Yes， America is a fairyland for kids． Unlike their Chinese and Japanese counterparts， American kids are not under severe pressure exerted by their schools or families． Children are educated individually according to their talents． Being unique，
creative， and independent are very important qualities． With proper guidance， children can develop themselves accordingly． Academic achievement is not emphasized as vigorously in the U． S． American kids are always
energetic， happy， active， and even “buzzing with enthusiasm．” While their oriental counterparts are busy with their homework or perhaps being helped in extra hours by their tutors， the American
kids are busy planning for their holidays and tours．However， as the number of broken families increases， single parenting produces
many problems． Teenage troubles become social issues． Drugs， violence， and pregnancy， like epidemic diseases， threaten every teenager． The teenage years are
a critical period in this fairyland．
A Battlefield for Adults
Practical， aggressive， independent， and confident are my impressions of the main characteristics of American people． In order to survive in a highly competitive society Americans operate at full throttle and strive to be the best． Productivity and
efficiency make Americans workaholics． People are very serious at work but they
also know the importance of relaxation and rest． On weekends， one can see cars lined up on the highways， as families are hurrying off to spend their holidays in the mountains or at the beach．
In this developed country， courtesy coupled with a sense of humor maintain social harmony． Science and law make society orderly and impartial． Capitalism drives people to pursue profits and individualism encourages people to be private and keep their
distance from each other． To Americans， there is an intense competition as they struggle for the life they desire． In this society， only the fittest will survive， and only the strong will receive applause．
A Graveyard for the Old
Brought up in a three—generation family， I have enjoyed wisdom and warmth from elderly people all my life． After my arrival I lived with a retired American teacher who has been a widow twice． She seems to be independent and full of common
sense， but she is lonely． To my surprise， her two “dear” children (as she refers to them) seldom visit her． “They are not to blame，” she once said． “Besides， the best way to maintain a good relationship with my children is not to disturb their family life．”
Although she appears to be busy， she is lonely． In order to escape the deep sorrow she feels for her dead husbands and her subsequent feelings of emptiness， she occupies herself with bridge games， parties， shopping， and so on． Like thousands of other senior citizens in this country， she lives all by herself without any financial and spiritual support from her family． In my eyes， she is materially well off， but she has to face the reality of living without specific aims and making her life just another game she must play．
Eye on Los Angeles
Los Angeles is a young city， without tradition or culture， and a capital for producing dreams for the future． It is a place where the impossible has come true． People come to L．A． from all over the world． As a professor said during the school orientation， “Since there is no real host here， you are not guests at all．” Walking in the street you find you are always surrounded by an international scene． You are never the only alien． You can hear all sorts of languages spoken everywhere． English bridges the gap between
strangers but speaking your native language can ease the loneliness of the homesick．
Los Angeles is a city of the rich and the poor． The obvious and tremendous distance between these two is very significant． When the arrogant businessmen are giving a party located in Beverly Hills or Hollywood， guests wearing luxurious min
k coats and flashy jewelry toast with champagne and discuss their vacations or the stock market． On the other side of the city， the homeless people are lying on the beaches shivering in the cold wind． What a contrast!
Los Angeles is also a place where the good and the evil are coupled． In the California sunshine people look healthy and happy． They are polite， amiable， and willing to help． Bus drivers greet their customers with smiles and patience． Once
in a while， they sing songs and decorate their bus with red and white trimmings for Christmas．
(One big blue bus was decorated red and surprised all the passengers．) On the other hand， L．A． can be hostile． Its rising crime rate threatens security on the UCLA campus．
Students need an escort to accompany them to the bus stop at night． An innocent pedestrian was shot while walking in Westwood on the weekend． Two friends of mine from UC—Berkeley were robbed by gang members at 10 p．m． as they were entering a parking lot． In Taipei， I was not worried about walking on the street even after 11 p．m．， because there were always other pedestrians near by． But this is not the case in Los Angeles after dark． How different!
Time of Reflection
Reading assignment after assignment， paper after paper， I， like an octopus whose tentacles reach into every corner， have plunged into the battle． In the past few months， I struggled with adjustment and suffered the bitterness of being home
sick． I was still questioning until one day I woke up and a voice inside spoke to me， “You must be brave and keep on going．” I often think of the Chinese proverb“ The sky will be blue again after the rain．”（雨過天晴） I know this feeling of insecurity will be overcome through perseverance． I just need to keep trying． From that day on， I wiped the tears away and then continued throughout the trial． I have gone from being puzzled to aware， from being weary to confident． Finally， I see some improvement．
Through these adventurous encounters and by comparing the different cultural identities， I began to realize things about myself． This process reminds me of “empathetic understanding．” In order to understand a new culture， I must not be a critic． Although I
am still not accustomed to this practical culture and the materialistic trend on campus， the persistent devotion of many professors to the academic work has inspired me very much． Besides， the American smile is a good present worth
remembering． Yes， why not keep on going?
〔本文為1988年UCLA外籍學生顧問中心(OISS)年度徵文入選作品〕
我是誰（Who am I?）
Throughout my life， I have been concerned about the effects of education on the improvement of human rights． Thus， I am devoted to the ideal of how education can contribute to the following: 1)the peaceful relations between Taiwan and Mainland China; 2)the
prevention of teenage problems; and 3)the improvement of women's status． I have used my pen and my mind to pursue the preceding ideals．
I Was A Tomboy
Growing up on a small farm in northern Taiwan， I was taught not to eat any beef．
The Chinese philosophy behind this was that cows plow the field and provide us with food． Since cows work for us like our loyal friends， we should not eat their meat． This
teaching continues to remind me to be a person of appreciation． In other reason， I hate turkey because they always chased me when I was a little girl!
Brought up in an extended family of twenty—five people， including twelve children， I went through the bright and dark sides of my family． As a little child I was never worried about not having companions． However， the whole environment was the traditional
Chinese value system， and males dominated every decision—making process． Women in my family were considered inferior and subordinate to men． I was affected by this traditional idea and acted like a tomboy， more aggressive and determined than my brothers． In fact， sometimes my parents wished I were a boy．
Poverty Coupled With Fear of China's Invasion
Born in the late fifties， I still remember how poor the country was before the 1970's: short of food， clothes， and medicine． Since we were so poor， education was the only way out of poverty， and the only path for upward mobility． Even at a young age I realized the importance of education． In addition to our poverty， people in Taiwan were afraid of China's invasion． For example， two months before I was born， i．e．， August 1958， China attempted to attack Taiwan by military force． Although Taiwan succeeded in defending itself， the whole island came to realize the continuing military threat from this “big brother．” Tensions between Taiwan and China inspired my interests regarding China affairs． My first book entitle“Higher Education Reform in Mainland China: 1977—84” (1988) was the manifestation of this interest and concern．
Thank You， Mother
At age ten， my family went through a family crisis． In order to raise five children and pay off creditors， my mother， a housewife with little education， worked tirelessly as a vendor selling pork in an open market for more than thirty years． After work， she
tutored her children and encouraged them to achieve -her daughters as well as her sons!
This experience had a profound impact on me and really crystalized my understanding of the strength and potential of women． Before this， I had always believed in the traditional Asian value system which claims that women are secondary to men． The example my
mother set for us proved otherwise． I have never forgotten this lesson which served as the basis for my dedication to women's equal opportunity．
I Can Effect Change
At age sixteen， another incident -the rape and murder of a fellow student from my girls' high school -changed my life． Struck and outraged by this incident， I organized a group of students at school， raising funds for murderer—hunting． The crime was solved， and the murderer was executed． The lesson here that I learned is， through my efforts， I can effect change． I carried this new—found energy to the university two years later， not content to quietly sit back and let men do all leadership．
I first organized a group of colleagues to provide tutoring and services to children with working mothers in the neighborhood． I also chaired the Student Society of the Department of Education at the university for a year． At age nineteen， I started
volunteering as a juvenile delinquent counselor at Taipei City Court， a governmental legal institute．
For the next three years， I paid weekly visits to my clients， the dropouts and drug abusers in jail and at home， and helped them through the reformatory process． I also coordinated volunteer colleagues from the Department of Education， building networks
with delinquents' families and schools， and designing follow—up programs． In 1981， I was named the outstanding juvenile counselor of the year．
“Hello， This is Teacher Chang Speaking”
Because of my concern and caring about teenage delinquents， I later worked as a full—time counselor at Teacher Chang Center， a non—profit nation—wide guidance counseling center under the China Youth Corps． This time I went through more professional counseling training and then helped teenagers via telephone， mail， and interview．
This work experience soon broadened my vision about Taiwan's social problems， enabling me to reach out to some previously ignored groups． For example， when I saw many female factory workers who were fresh from small towns and poorly educated， struggling
with their employers and had no hope for tomorrow， I knew it was time to help．
As a result， I organized over a hundred volunteers to design counseling programs for female factory workers in industry． A few months later， some female workers who went through these counseling programs wrote and thanked us． “For the first time people recognize me， and I feel more comfortable being myself．．．，” a female factory worker wrote in her letter． I knew that I had done something rewarding．
Yes， Miss Chair—person
While I was twenty—two to twenty—five I worked on my master's degree in education． During this time I was elected to chair a campus—wide graduate congress． That was the first time a woman was ever elected to that position at my university． During this
period， I also went to Japan on a Sino—Japanese exchange program sponsored by the Ministry of Education in Taiwan and Japan Asian Airline．
From this trip， I overcame my mixed feelings about Japan's invasion during World War II and started to ask why， behind the Japanese success story， women still continue to play a subordinate role in the society? Since then， I devoted myself to writing articles． Through doing this I developed my interest in pursuing women's rights via academic research．
Coming to America
After graduating from my master's degree I realized that many goals could not be fulfilled unless I continued my intellectual pursuit． In 1986， after succeeding in a highly competitive national exam， I received a three—year full scholarship from the
Ministry of Education in Taiwan． Thus， four years ago I arrived in the United States for the first time and started my adventure at UCLA． As mentioned in my awarded article， “in the first few months， I struggled with adjustment and suffered from being
homesick．” Like the Chinese proverb， “The sky will be blue again after the rain，” I made it through the storm．
After living in America for almost four years， I still have mixed feelings about this country． One good thing I have seen is that women here are more independent， outgoing， and determined to effect change． For example， my former landlady， at the age
of sixty five， still volunteers in the community service， comments on politics， and goes jogging every day．
This lady introduced me to American women， culture， and the advanced technology of America's modern kitchen． She said， the“American Dream，” -equal opportunity for everyone-attracts people from all over the world． On the other hand， the
breakdown of the family system has resulted in many social problems and has contributed to the deterioration of American society． Unlike its American counterpart， Chinese culture is more solid and focuses on spiritual fulfillment and moral cultivation m
ore than material pursuit． Having communicated with many women in this country， I am convinced that both the Chinese and the Americans， can learn a great deal from each other．
After coming to America， my world has been broadened， my knowledge extended， and my concern about education and human rights has become stronger． Now I am better equipped to concentrate on research (my doctoral dissertation) which examinesgender equality in academe．
The Four Main Streets in Taipei
Like many other international students who come to America to fulfill their life goals， my goal is to serve my people， especially women at home． Unlike many Americans who take their citizenship for granted， Chinese people (both in mainland
and Taiwan) have strong feelings toward their countries．
One example is the four main streets in Taipei: the names are translated as “loyal to country and love for parents，” “kindness to mankind，” “trustworthy and righteous，” and “peace and harmony．” （忠孝、仁愛、信義、和平）
The belief of showing great love for the country itself and also for its people is deeply rooted in my mind． As a Chinese woman in Taiwan I want to help other women and-in so doing-help my country． This is particularly important for Taiwan at this
moment． Since Taiwan lifted martial law in 1987， people have more freedom to express their opinions and an opposition party has been established to counter—balance the ruling party． Simultaneously， the whole society is experiencing a rapid change
Above all， the most important area that needs to be changed to facilitate future growth is the area of education． Within education one of the most critical areas is women's equal recognition， participation， and contribution．
My personal experience from a traditional male—dominated family made me believe that the progress of education will improve women's rights in Taiwan． This will also have a future impact on women's equality in China．
The world is getting smaller and smaller day by day． There is no more room for two Germanys， or two Chinas， or two sets of standards within the academic reward system．
〔作者曾因本文而獲得1991年美國女大學教師學會(AAUW)國際和平獎學金〕
美國社會如何向中華文化取經
(What can American society learn from Chinese culture?)
The Beautiful Country
When I was in my country people always talked about how prosperous and advanced America was． In the Chinese language， the term used for “America” means “a beautiful country．”…… Yes， I do agree that it is a modern and beautiful place． However， after having been here for two years， I have realized that， like any other country on the earth， America is not a paradise after all． As a Chinese proverb says America is “a fairyland for children， a battlefield for adults， and a graveyard for the old．”
A Fairyland for Children
America is a fairyland for children． Children seem to be valued very highly in this country． When compared to the oriental children of the same age， American children are not under the severe pressure exerted by their schools or families． American
children are educated individually according to theirtalents． Uniqueness， creativity， and independence are very important qualities in the American society． Academic achievement is not emphasized as vigorously in this fairyland． Most children in America are energetic， active， and even “buzzing with enthusiasm．” While their oriental counterparts are busy with their homework and extra hours tutoring after school， the American children are busy planning for holidays and tours．
A Battlefield for Adults
According to my observations， American adults are practical， aggressive， independent， and confident． In order to survive in a highly competitive society， Americans feel they have to operate to their maximum ability and strive to be “the best”． Truly， it is a society for the survival of the fittest and the strongest． Productivity and efficiency in the marketplace create an impersonal atmosphere where many Americans become “workaholics．” Because people are very serious at work they consequently need to learn know how to relax and enjoy life． Many times they are unable to find relaxation because they are so involved with the practicalities of life．
A Graveyard for the Old
After arriving in this country， I lived with a retired American teacher who had been widowed twice． This lady seemed to be independent and full of energy， however she was very lonely． To my surprise， her two “dear” adult children (as she refers to them) seldom visited her even though they lived in the neighborhood． “They are not to blame，” she once said， “and besides， the best way to maintain a good relationship with my children is not to disturb their family life and scare them away．” In order to escape the bereavement of her dead husbands and the subsequent feelings of emptiness， she occupied her time with bridge games， parties， and shopping． Like thousands of
other senior citizens in this country， she still lives all by herself without financial and spiritual support from her family． In my opinion， although she is materially well off， she has to face a reality of living without her family and feelings of aimlessness．
Being Senior Parents?
America should be a wonderful land for people of different ages． However， the lonely plight of the old， compared to that of children and adults saddens me． Many American family relationships begin to disintegrate as the children mature and the parents grow
older． It seems to me that American families are unwilling to give priority in taking care of their elderly． This attitude bothers me． The following is a scenario of the types of relationships between adult children and their senior parents:
Story 1: An old American was thrown out of a house by his landlady-his own daughter-because he could not afford the rent for three months．
Story 2: A Chinese couple sacrificed their savings to support their son's study in the United States for many years． After their retirement， the couple came to visit their son and their American daughter—in—law． Three months later， before the Chinese parents
went home， they received a bill from the daughter—in—law， asking them to pay the expenses of their visit． The couple paid the bill and left with broken hearts．
What kind of rationale stands behind these stories? Some American friends explained:
——because American people value independence;
——because American people demand their rights as individuals， and dislike being “disturbed” by others;
——because American people regard living with their senior parents as a burden;
——because American people feel no responsibility in taking care of their aged parents;
——and because American people believe that the government will take care their retired parents by the “Double S” (Social Security)．
In A Contrast
The above statements are realistic， but very different from the way the Chinese perceive their parent—child relationships． As Carol Gilligan indicates in her book， “In A Different Voice，” American people value their personal human rights first; that is， their individuality， freedom， greater autonomy， self—realization， and personal accomplishment are held very dear． In contrast， the Chinese value human relationships with people and emphasize responsibility to each other． Therefore， the American moral essence develops as a sense of respect for rights of others， because it protects one's own rights to freedom and self—fulfillment． The Chinese respect others' needs as persons， and share the society's various responsibilities as a group．
The Chinese Family
The Chinese moral tradition has focused on family， in which every man has the dual obligations to continuous his role as both the son and the father． Chinese people regard family as a deep rooted tradition， which has many enduring features．
For example， the family provides security and harmony between the old and the young． Because of growing up in an extended family， I have enjoyed the wisdom and the warmth from many elderly people during my life． In our family， we are always taught to pay respect to the elderly， and to appreciate the sacrifice and the
hardships of our parents． Filial piety， the responsibility to take care of our parents when they become old， is an expression of love toward them． The love of our parents and the filial piety of the children continue to co—exist all times．
The parent—child relationship is the first and the basic ethic in the traditional morality of the “Wu—lun” (five relationships: father and son; elder brother and younger one; husband and wife; friends; ruler and subject)． A Chinese proverb states， “One
cannot expect a person to be loyal to his country without having filial piety to his own parents first．” Showing respect and taking care of one's parents is the first step toward serving others． Like Americans， Chinese also value their children and regard the young as their future hope． However， Chinese show regard for and take care of their old people because these people have given their time and energy to the younger generations．
Although the extended family system is being 're—'placed by the nuclear family system of today， the spirit of the “love and filial piety between parents and children” in the family continues to influence the younger Chinese generation．
Another Solution
When a young couple finds it difficult to look for someone reliable to baby—sit their children， the grandparents may enjoy having grandchildren around． When an elderly person needs someone to talk to， and the young need some advice for life， family provides the best shelter and support． As an American friend said， “I love independence， but I cannot avoid the great emptiness of being alone．” The Chinese culture of cherishing family ties between the old and the young can fill the gap of
independence and loneliness in American society． The essence of the Chinese family where the children and the parents bear love and responsibility for each other will have a positive influence if it were integrated into the American society． We all know that American society has been threatened by problems such as the increase of single parenting， teenage pregnancy， drugs， and even the emergence of homeless people， which are the results of the breakdown of the family system． Relying on the social security and government policies can neither cure nor prevent these problems． It is about time for Americans to re—strengthen family ties． The ideals of Chinese culture which the American society lacks are the love and responsibility of and for parents． This value will compensate for the imperfections in each individual and will bring in additional strength to back up at times of crisis． In this manner， the reputation of “a graveyard
for the old” will be brought to an end． The children， the adults， and the old can share the American dream together．
After being alone in the Unites States for a year， my husband joined me and is now studying for his doctoral degree at UCLA． While my dissertation continues to make progress， my financial situation has become very constrained since the expiration of my scholarship from the Ministry of Education． Without financial assistance it will be difficult， at best， to meet my goal of completing my doctoral programs by June 1992．